Reasons For Moving

Wait, what?

2011-03-11T12:56:00.001-05:00

I completely forgot that I used to have a writing blog here. Funnily enough, it has the same title as my snatched-away Vox blog. So I think I'll go through the Vox import I did to Wordpress and repost things here. It might take me a while but I do enjoy having a just-writing blog.

And I already have one!

Putting "RFM" to bed

2006-11-17T14:27:00.000-05:00

I'll be doing all my blogging about writing at the new "So anyway..." Look under the heading "Toasted Cheese" or "Creatrix" for writing, editing, etc. entries.

Stupid about submissions

2006-09-05T14:43:00.000-04:00

I've blogged this before but I'm curious: do writers even read the submission guidelines or a current issue before sending a submission to a journal? I do but that's just me. I'm like that. I pay attention & I follow set guidelines b/c I respect editors.

We had another simultaneous submission withdrawn by someone already on her second chance with us. She can't wait for our reading period to be over and she can't abide the "no simultaneous submissions" rule anyway. WTF? Fine. Take the credit from the journal who will accept your story within days of your submission. I'm sure the quality is lovely. In the meantime the real writers will be abiding the guidelines of better journals and earning better credits.

BTW: I really like the ampersands in this font

I'm getting a drink

2006-09-01T14:48:00.000-04:00

September's Sweet Beatrice is up.

Three excellent pieces (two columns and a knitting pattern for "Make This") w/ very little editing required and I'm exhausted. I don't know how Theryn does it ;)

Busy day

2006-08-31T16:57:00.000-04:00

I spent most of my free time this morning reading a fascinating and in-depth series about a troll/poser situation in the Harry Potter fan fic community. I couldn't even begin to paraphrase it but what I took from it was about how much free time someone must have when she pretends to be about ten different people, praising her own writing in public forums. I can understand the fun she must have had, setting up dozens and dozens of people over the course of several years but the psychological pathology behind it just boggles the mind.

Then I saw a post at TC from a newbie writer who said she'd left us and was posting elsewhere. I hadn't noticed. It's the way of the forum -- people jump in, all gung-ho and crazy for posting and then they just fade away. I suspect the culprit here was the lack of UPOP but I don't have time to hold newbie's hands anymore. If someone is a great writer, I encourage but if someone seems to be relying on praise to boost the ego, I don't have the time or energy to encourage that. Not that this poster did, necessarily.

It's related to the HP fandom nonsense. The person in question created alteregos that existed solely to praise her, to get her name out there and promote her w/o it looking as though she was doing it. Apparently the term is "sock puppet" -- I like that. The relation is that some people rely on writing as a way to be popular or to gain friends. I never thought of writing as a tool to do that. A tool for expression, sure. A tool to pimp and praise myself? Not exactly.

Then I'm also editing two columns for Sweet Beatrice. That took no time, since the writers are good writers. Just some copyediting. Meanwhile Z has been engrossed in Shrek and H is probably finishing a nice afternoon nap. He had a short morning nap. Given the issues we're having w/ Jakedog, I'm grateful for this busywork and distraction. Being busy with the work, the business of writing, has always been a saving grace for me.

Amazon Shorts

2006-08-19T10:43:00.000-04:00

The Amazon Shorts Contest on Gather provides unpublished writers with an opportunity to sell their short-form work on Amazon.com. Every month, Gather members will submit short works (2,000-10,000 words) and compete for 4 coveted spots in the Amazon Shorts program, which currently only features literature from published authors who have titles available for sale through Amazon.com. Three winners will be chosen monthly by Gather members based on numbers of votes and average rating and one winner will be handpicked by the Gather Editorial Team. The winners will have the honor of publishing and then selling their work through Amazon Shorts for $0.49 each.

How fun!

An English major's nightmare

2006-08-17T22:37:00.000-04:00

I guess if you read news aloud instead of presenting it for others to read, you can say "fuck grammar, spelling, punctuation and all that shit."

Thank you WICU. BTW: the person who wrote it actually put her name on it.

I've bolded just a few of the things that would have gotten me fired for printing when I was a reporter. Forget that it's one big honking paragraph.

The Erie school district is getting tough on truancy. They're main concern is too many students missing or late to school. Last school year, there was nearly 500 students who missed more than 20 days of school. So the Erie school district decided something needed to be done. The revised student handbook is due out this week. These are the major changes: Students with 20 or more unexcused absences a year, or who have been disciplined or tardy more than 5 [AP style dictates numbers under "10" should be written out] times, will be pulled out of their school, and placed in the district's transitional school. Also, high school seniors transferred to the transitional school wouldn't be able to graduate from their home school. The school district says in the past, truancy prevention through courts and meetings with parents hasn't worked. Jay Badams, director of high schools with the school district, says this intervention program will help all students become more successful, "It certainly keeps doors open. If they attend regularly and come and do what they're supposed to do, then they have the option of college or a career. But if they decide not to come then we know drop[-]out stats and so forth are rife with kids that didn't attend regularly." [God I hope that wasn't a direct quote b/c if it was, this guy's a moron.] The school district says* this new alternative education will give parents more leverage in making their kids go to school. And that's because there's now an incentive for the students to stay in their own school.

* note on that one: School districts don't talk. People talk. Attribute your quote. Jeesh.

Could you just tear out this page? Thanks

2006-08-01T16:10:00.000-04:00

We've had the second request in a short amount of time for TC to remove a story from an archived issue. The first time, I was slightly sympathetic. This time, I'm pissed off.

The new one was not a regular submission; it was a "Best of the Boards," a way we encouraged new writers. If someone posted something on a board for feedback,he could tick a box saying "I want this considered for BotB." And we did. And we voted on what we liked best and we published it.

Now this bonehead wants his BotB removed b/c he doesn't like that it comes up when you Google him. Boo fucking hoo. What writer wouldn't want a credit from a well-reputed publication to show up when one Googles his name? In my guess, one who intends on submitting the story elsewhere, since it was a work in progress before. Besides, let's say we did remove it. That doesn't remove it from the cache, for example. All it does is inconvenience and insult us. This who search engine excuse is bogus.

We're going to tell him what we told the poetry girl who made the same request not long ago: it's akin to ripping a page out of a magazine. It alters the work. It might be his story, her poem, etc. but it's our e-zine and I'm not about to alter it just b/c years later some flake decides s/he doesn't like the credit anymore.

How bizarre even to make such a request.

The tarot tells me: write

2006-07-12T13:00:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling very un-grounded, torn & scattered w/ our upcoming move. I've also resolved to get into writing & editing my own stuff after our move. Because of the upheaval and other issues, I didn't pack my favorite tarot deck and today, after feeding the baby his lunch, I did a reading.

Why, you might ask, is this not at the witchy blog? B/c the spread basically said: "write."

I had a certain feeling in mind, some questions about life in general. At first I didn't understand my results. Why am I getting cards about creativity, work and reward? Then I realized that what the cards said was pretty much, "Everything is material."

By the time I got to the end, the message was pretty clear: write it. Whatever bizarre thought or idea or feeling I get, the way to act is to write. Make things up, write something true, extrapolate off of reality or what I don't think matters. The matter is that I can get the grounding and calming and focus I'm looking for if I can funnel it all into a writing project.

I had an idea for a story last night and, as I heated a container of leftover spaghetti for myself and Z, I started working out some of the details. How do they meet? How does this unfold? I know where I want it to end. Should it have this kind of tone or will that distract from the subject? Is it believable enough? Of course it's pornrotica. Do you need to ask? ;)

So maybe by this time next month, boxes fairly well unpacked and computer in its new home, I'll have a short story finished or another revison on RFM or even WS.

Spam content

2006-07-11T10:28:00.000-04:00

We get submissions not as good as the content of a spam I got today:

He looked at me kind of strange, hopped off the sill, and started
second language before being rendered from that into English, a process in
kiosk, unharmed. A baby carriage in a driveway -- even the blankets in it
twenty-four thousand feet, came down blue from the cold thin air, amazed

Murder your darlings

2006-07-05T00:55:00.000-04:00

Jam & I started chatting tonight & next thing we knew we were coming up w/ a potentially awesome group project for TC. We're outting it to the TC editors in the next few days so I won't say much here.

How we got started was that I said once we moved I was going to try & wrangle my MIL or someone to kidwatch for me sometimes so I could start an extensive and brutal rewrite on WS (note -- my god that page is old). Moreover, I'm getting rid of 2-3 characters so I can tighten the story. It kind of got away from me, which is good when you're writing. Allow the story to lead you where it will.

Unfortunately, in retrospect, some of the story seems superfluous, which is probably some of why I had trouble writing the synopsis. I think what I'd like to do is cut it by about 30k to start. Some of the cuts I have in mind will mean some rewriting but I've been thinking about how to restructure what's left of the story into how I'd like it to go. There's a main story line that's going and possibly a second. If the second goes, it will affect some of the character motivation for my narrator but I think once I axe it, I can rework that motivation in the new direction and therefore tighten the story. I think the cuts will make more sense than what I have.

I keep thinking of the saying "murder your darlings" (Faulkner?). I'm about to murder a darling. Not necessarily one of mine but one I think those who've read WS liked. I'm sure she'll show up again in other ways but just not here and just not now.

Theryn Fleming, you're my hero

2006-07-01T21:11:00.000-04:00

Read this.

That is all.

Slave to the rhythm

2006-06-24T12:54:00.000-04:00

I don't for the life of me understand people who write rhyming poetry or try to force certain rhythms. It doesn't work.

There's a poem at TC that apparently follows some kind of rhythmic form. When I read it, I didn't pick that up at all. All I noticed was that it said nothing to me. It was vague and distanced and there wasn't anything useful I could contribute to the author so I let it go. Then the author asked a specific question about whether we read a certain word as 2 or 3 syllables. I was like, "Wha-huh?" Apparently there's a beat to it. I didn't find one.

More than that, it was just so general that I couldn't see what its point was. I don't know what it's about on the surface. I don't know what it's trying to say. Now that I know it's meant to follow some kind of meter, I know what the problem is: the writer put the form first and the content second.

You can't pick the best words for your poetry if your primary concern is making the beats fit or making a rhyme. If what you're saying isn't worth the time to say it in the best possible way, why write it? And why should I read it?

I just don't get it. Moreover, I don't want to.

SZ is up

2006-06-02T10:32:00.000-04:00

Here's the drastically different final version.

In addition to having about 20 minutes to write the original, the reason it was meh is that I didn't want to get very personal. I'm not sure if I just wanted to keep the story to myself or if I felt uncomfortable putting something real and personal on public display. When it comes to my blog(s), there's a barrier that gives me a little bit of distance. I think I was trying to keep the barrier in place for the SZ essay.

So in creating a comfort zone, I sacrificed the vitality of the story. I know I do this w/ fiction as well. If a character is going through something I'm basing on my experience, it's not as good or authentic or compelling as something I make up for them.

I don't think it's fear that keeps me from writing about what's real & personal. I think it's my wanting only to revisit events on my terms. I don't want to rehash my personal pain, loss, anger etc. I want to make it new and raw for the character w/o insinuating myself. I guess I don't want to be the freak show.

I also know that people have trouble distinguishing between narrator and author. I know a lot of people think Bret Easton Ellis is psychotic. I don't m,ind being identified w/ my characters. I just don't want to be confused w/ them.

So about this Snarkzone I'm writing...

2006-06-01T23:39:00.000-04:00

I hate the opening. I hated it when I wrote it but what I'd had before was worse. Frankly I kind of hate the whole thing (as a piece of writing, not the subject, etc.) and I have, like, less than no interest in doing anything with it. Ugh. Can you tell I'm in one of those moods? It's like I have about 10 minutes to do it and whatever I write will be crappy so why bother?

I don't very often get like this w/ writing but it does happen.

Plus where I'm sitting is near the diaper pail, with the two poo diapers I've changed on Z since we got home from ortho & dentist visits today. Plus some shopping for clothes & such (I needed shorts & underwear; kids needed hot weather clothes in the sizes they're going into). So the poo smell reminds me that whatever I'm going to do I have to rush to have any version completed even thought it will be shitty. Enjoy the pun.

T gave me comments, which as always are 100% useful and spot-on. Unfortunately there are a lot of them and I look at them now and go "Ugh. Work. Time." So here goes...

How to piss off an editor -- #1

2006-05-17T17:55:00.000-04:00

(1) Write a nastygram claiming that the publication for whom the editor works is "rude" and has been "ignoring" your emails for two years. Make sure you don't follow the only requirement of their correspondence, one which keeps your e-mails from heading straight to spam heaven.

Make sure the e-mail has an overall snide tone, use poor grammar (run-on sentences work best), do not address the editor by name, and toss in a snarling little comment about how you hope the publication will "decide to start acting respectful" to pissants like you.

Don't forget to give your e-mail a rude title as well, so that it catches the editor's eye and puts her in a hellacious mood not only for the immediate response but to any that follow.

Follow up the response you are lucky to get with more attitude and a ridiculous question. She will be sure to copy every editor in on the second e-mail and her response so that you are appropriately blacklisted and snarked at for being a dillhole.

Advice aside...

Seriously, if you feel like you have to act like a dick in your correspondence, what in the name of all that is holy makes you think the editor you're being an asshole to is ever going to publish you? I hope the jerk who did this very thing to me today knows that not only will he never be published at TC but that editors talk, dude. Doubtful.

A Midsummer Tale: now open

2006-05-02T21:46:00.000-04:00

The theme of the June 2006 "A Midsummer Tale" contest is: Summer School. Stories should be set in the summer and revolve around a learning/educational experience. Feel free to play with the theme: stories can be from the perspective of instructors as well as students, set outdoors as well as inside a classroom, about informal/recreational programs (e.g. summer writing workshops, Elderhostel, summer camp, swimming or sailing lessons) as well as traditional academic classes. Anything that fits the summer/learning theme is acceptable.

* Please remember that this is a non-fiction contest; stories must be about something that actually happened, not something you invented.

The word limit is 3000 words.

The contest opens May 1, 2006. The deadline for submissions is June 21, 2006. E-mail entries to amtcontest06[at]toasted-cheese.com. Your subject line must read: "A Midsummer Tale Contest Entry".

Telling quote

2006-04-21T10:34:00.000-04:00

"Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing."

-- Randy K. Milholland, Something Positive Comic, 07-03-05

Apparently I'm snotty and condescending

2006-04-02T22:44:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I really hate new writers. I hate the attitude and the backpedaling when they get the feedback they asked for.

I spent time I really didn't have to spare reading and critiquing a really scattered, incoherent "flash" story yesterday only to be PMed with:

Subject: i appreciate your comments...
but, what do you mean by
"oh well, you tried."?
it really comes across as snotty and condescending.
did you really mean that?

I particularly love the no-caps and that bizarre punctuation.

I told him:

What I wrote was "Just play with the POV and see if it works. If not, oh well. You tried."

What I mean is: "Try using another POV. It might work. It might not. If it doesn't, at least you gave it -- the new POV -- a shot."

Clearer?

What I really wanted to say was: I spent a lot of time and effort on constructive criticism for a story YOU said you wanted to submit for publication. If you want a nice heap of rejection letters, you go right ahead. If you want to improve your story, open your ears and eyes and pay attention to what I'm telling you. I knew from one look at that story that no one else would step up and tell you what this story needed. I even heaped the praise for the idea on a little thick so you'd put the effort in. It was confusing, incoherent, without consequence and was most definitely not flash. It was short; short is not flash. This would be a round 1 cut at Toasted Cheese and I don't know of any journal where this would pass muster.

Seriously, if you're not going to give a little attention to the crits? Don't fucking ask for them.

Now that is snotty and condescending.

I'm beside myself

2006-04-01T20:10:00.000-05:00

I just found out that one of my mentors, teachers and writing gurus, Dinty Moore, has a blog! I dropped in at Brevity and there was a link.

Is it wrong to be so excited about finding a blog?

Cross-post from "So anyway..."

2006-03-27T13:56:00.000-05:00

From The Miami Herald:

Twenty years ago, The Scarlet Letter, Wuthering Heights and Macbeth were rites of passage in high school. If you hadn't suffered through some iambic pentameter and Puritan angst, you weren't going to graduate.

Not so in a postmodern world.

High school reading lists -- to the joy of students -- are now as varied as the student body. Shakespeare comes in rap and you'd be hard-pressed to find a reading list that doesn't include The Joy Luck Club. The Miami-Dade County school district includes Anne Rice's Interview with the Vampire on its list. Broward County recommends Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar.

It's an excellent article so check out the whole thing if this interests you.

What I wanted to say about it is that I can see both sides of this. I think there are some books every American should read. If not in high school, when? I don't know how I'd decide what books to assign if my students were only to read two novels per school year.

We read 8 novels my senior year in high school. The Catcher In The Rye, An American Tragedy, 1984, Brave New World, All The King's Men were among them and our plays were Macbeth and Pygmalion. Remember: this was Bumblefuck High, not some city school. This was a mostly-rural student body. We read short stories and poetry. We brought in song lyrics we felt had certain value as poetry. We chose a book to read independently in 11th grade. My choice, which was not on the "approved" list was To Kill A Mockingbird. When I asked if I could read it, the teacher's response was, "Are you sure you haven't read it before?" My reply was, "Why would I want to read something I'd read before?" More books! More books!

It's funny b/c that's exactly what Z says at least twice a day. "More book!" The last two nights she's taken books to bed in lieu of stuffed animals. The snuggle books aren't soft, cuddly books. They're Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus and The Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog. Those books are the first thing she asks for when she wakes up (I hear her sheets rustling and then "Where pigeon books?"). Then we have "Mommy" and "milk."

What was your required reading in high school? What did you love? What did you hate? What do you think everyone should read and why? Comment or blog it -- I'd love to hear what everyone thinks.

Finally: a writing reality show

2006-03-26T10:12:00.000-05:00

MTV and Rolling Stone are teaming for a reality series that will focus on amateur journalists as they compete for a one-year staff position at the legendary magazine, an MTV spokeswoman announced Wednesday.

"The series will capture the drama and excitement of the fast-paced world of Rolling Stone," said Lois Curren, executive vice president of MTV programming, in a statement Wednesday. "Rolling Stone has long been an incubator for top journalists, which makes this an amazing opportunity for aspiring writers."

The untitled MTV series, scheduled to premiere later this year, will be taped from June to August in New York City. It will shadow candidates as they interview musicians, actors and politicians, and work with editors.

Wannabe contestants should visit www.rollingstone.com or www.mtv.com. The deadline for applications, including writing samples and a short video, is April 7.

TC t-shirt w/ Z

2006-03-24T12:25:00.000-05:00

TC t-shirt w/ Z
Originally uploaded by edenza.

You too can own this lovely writer's t-shirt, with Toasted Cheese URL at not extra cost.

If there were three of me, I might manage to come up with a title

2006-03-22T14:57:00.000-05:00

It's nice to be appreciated but people sending me market updates and calls for submissions must not realize that I barely have time to compse a coherant blog entry these days much less write a story from scratch. Even the idea of sitting down to write something for submission these days sets my nerves a-tingling. I wouldn't be able to relax so I'm not going to do it. If I can't enjoy the process, I won't do it. Thanks for thinking of me though.

Back to "gathering material..."

Teaching a pig to sing

2006-03-18T15:54:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm seriously at the end of my rope with this "poet" at TC. He's written a verbless poem and keeps trying to pass off new versions, equally verbless as "improvements." He's not absorbing any of the advice I'm giving him. I tried being subtle, no dice. I tried being blunt and just saying: "You need VERBS." I suggested exercises to gather verbs and to try them in the poem, just to make something, anything happen.

His reponse? "There's an implied 'I am' at the beginning."

Oh. My. God.

"AM" DOES NOT COUNT AS A VERB!

"Am" means absolutely nothing! There is still not one fucking thing happening in this poem! I don't care about this sky, this galaxy (the only two subjects in the poem -- the rest is flotsam).

In my latest response, I wrote back that he should imagine reading it aloud at a slam b/c the audience is going to look at him and go, "And?"

I mean, if you take out all the description, he'd be standing there saying "I am a sky, I am a galaxy."

SFW?

I'm about to go find poetry examples and post them but cheese-and-crackers.

Using all lowercase letters and no punctuation does not mean you've written a poem or are a poet. It means you're pretentious.

storySouth's Million Writers Award 2005 finalists

2006-03-14T22:34:00.000-05:00

Congrats Trish! Check out her story, originally published in our September 2005 issue. Yay!

The top ten stories will be released on April 1. Voting on the top story of the year will begin April 1 and will end on April 30.

We'll all need to vote so Trish can win. I'll remind you.

30 Books I'm Supposed to Read

2006-03-07T14:38:00.000-05:00

The list in full

Bold: Read it cover-to-cover
*: started it, never finished it (many of these were for a class and I passed the test/aced the paper anyway)

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
The Bible*
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy* by JRR Tolkien
1984* by George Orwell
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
Jane Eyre* by Charlotte Bronte
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
All Quite on the Western Front by E M Remarque
His Dark Materials Trilogy by Phillip Pullman
Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks
The Grapes of Wrath* by John Steinbeck
The Lord of the Flies by William Golding
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
Tess of the D'urbevilles by Thomas Hardy
Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne
Wuthering Heights* by Emily Bronte
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Graham
Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Great Expectations* by Charles Dickens
The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
The Lovely Bones* by Alice Sebold
The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
David Copperfield* by Charles Dickens
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
Middlemarch by George Eliot
The Poisonwood Bible* by Barbara Kingsolver
A Clockwork Orange* by Anthony Burgess
A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich* by Alexander Solzenhitsyn

I should just send people my gently-used books as surprises. BTW: that last one made me too cold & hungry to finish reading it.

Isn't it funny how some books you just struggle to get through? Maybe you feel you should read it or you should like it. Then other books you just breeze through. I know I really love a book when I'm blazing along and I set aside and stop. It's b/c I don't want to finish it. I want it to go on forever and ever.

At least these are all works of fiction. Oh no you di'n't. Oh yes I did.

New "I Should Be Writing" 24-spoof promo

2006-03-01T17:53:00.000-05:00

Listen here

You know, I should be writing...

My writing space

2006-02-15T16:20:00.000-05:00

This is where I write (including blogging). Completely au naturel, taken yesterday morning as I was reading about writers and their writing spaces. Click the photos for bigger versions; I wrote on the photos to say what you're looking at. As usual, if you look in the background, you can see my vacuum cleaner. I don't know why this is; it's just something I've noticed in my photos.

The second photo is a close-up of what is more in my line of sight when I'm writing. It does through various degrees of neatness and chaos. For the most part, that's how it is.

Damn -- this would be a great place for story ideas

2006-02-01T21:40:00.000-05:00

http://grouphug.us/

Maybe I will

2006-02-01T13:06:00.000-05:00

The What Should I Read Next? website suggests books you might like reading based on real readers' recommendations.
These were the results:
Lord of the Flies
- William Golding

The Hobbit
- J. R. R. Tolkien

Catch-22
- Joseph Heller

>Fight Club
- Chuck Palahniuk

Magicians Nephew
- Lewis

Merchant of Venice
- William Shakespeare, Jay L. Halio

Nine Stories
- J. D. Salinger

The Collected Dorothy Parker
- Dorothy Parker, Brendan Gill

The Witches
- Roald Dahl, Quentin Blake

Jigs and Reels
- Joanne Harris

"A million little questions"

2006-01-25T22:22:00.000-05:00

Thursday: The Oprah's Book Club selection A Million Little Pieces. The headlines. The controversy. Now, like many of you, Oprah has a million little questions. James Frey, his publisher, and leading journalists —- who've had strong opinions -— join us for the hour

My comment sheet

2006-01-23T20:32:00.000-05:00

Yet more DOW fun

2006-01-22T18:55:00.000-05:00

I'll just add to this post if I have more to say today.

Two of the stories I reread more closely actually quote the theme word-for-word. I just read this:

He sat down in his chair avoiding sitting in the rocking one. Although they both were the same for him. The book titled The souvenirs/trophies of a returned soldier. He read on and on till he heard the lunch bell coming from the dining hall below.

I had eliminated this one in the first round. Then today as I was reading duds, I revisited the slush pile and retrieved this one. I thought maybe I had just been put off by the ginormous paragraphs and was maybe missing something. Mmm, no.

Continued DOW judging

2006-01-22T18:04:00.000-05:00

I have five more to read and after the last two I had to take a break. #14 was a good story, barely used the theme. #15 was a fair story that forced the theme. Neither one was remotely supernatural. Um, hello?

Dead of Winter is a fiction contest (any genre) for stories with supernatural elements or themes.

So yeah you just shot yourself in the foot with that. You paid attention to the yearly theme but not to the genre? I was surprised when people turned in poems instead of short stories; this is the same thing IMO. Only you're not immediately DQed.

And story #12? I think the guy sacrificed a chicken to appease Satan. I'm not entirely sure. If so, then the "Colonel" part of "Colonel Sanders" makes infinite sense to me now. He puts an addictive chemical in the chicken that makes yeh crave it fortnightly, smart ass.

Quick DOW judging update

2006-01-22T15:10:00.000-05:00

I've finally gotten through my first elimination. Of 27 qualifying entries, I have 11 left to read. That's 40% of the entries.

For those of you who write, this should be encouraging. If I knew that 60% of my competition was eliminated in the first round, I'd feel really good about my chances. What got folks eliminated in the first round? Mostly the quality of writing. I could tell that the story wasn't going to make it to the end so I went ahead and eliminated it. Think of it like "American Idol." Sometimes you see someone audition who's "not bad." You know very well s/he is not the next AI. Do you bother with paying for the trip to Hollywood? No. I'm not going to sift through mediocre stories in round 2. Hold my interest, don't be cliche and write well and you're "through to the next round."

You're goin' to Hollywood, dawg!

Related: Five quick tips for entering contests

Bind your blog

2006-01-20T14:22:00.000-05:00

i.e.: turn it into a Real Book

WD: good, bad and ugly

2006-01-14T14:10:00.000-05:00

From A Writer's Life

If Writer's Digest was a real magazine, they would publish articles exposing the pitfalls of vanity presses and warn writers against throwing their money away. But Writers Digest sold out a long, long time ago and now exists to promote and legitimize an industry that preys on the desperation of aspiring writers. It's not Writers Digest any more -- it's Vanity Press Digest.

While WD has been very good to TC, I don't disagree w/ this blog post. The ads are heavy on money-making schemes and dubious workshops/publishers. The content doesn't really help me when I've lookedf at it. P&W is much better but I still won't subscribe to a writing mag any time soon.

Write a novel in a year

2006-01-07T17:01:00.000-05:00

W/ exercises and everything.

This first one is:

So let's start. Take up a notebook and pen, and write one sentence, beginning with the words, "The day after my eighth birthday, my father told me..." Write more than a sentence if you like but just one sentence is fine.

You can also do it like this.

2006 Reading List

2006-01-01T17:03:00.000-05:00

Books I begin and finish reading in 2006

Completed:
Eric

Several children's books including Where's My Cow? and Mo Willems' "Pigeon" books

Current:

Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim
Best American Non-required Reading 2005

On hiatus:
The Return of the King

2005 reading list

New AB article up

2005-12-17T11:58:00.000-05:00

No writing, just compiling answers. It's a Q&A w/ the five active editors.

A warm fuzzy

2005-12-16T14:52:00.000-05:00

Excerpt from an e-mail I just received. The writer is a promising writer who submitted a story to TC. Her reply letter was so professional that we offered her some feedback on the story. I did the feedback (a nit-picky critique) and sent it off to her not so long ago. Here's part of her reply:

I've been moving into a new house and too busy to write and thank you for the wonderful feedback on my short story. Your comments are very helpful. Thanks for applying your intelligence and professionalism to my work. You've given me a great gift. I've learned much from you already, and agree with most of your suggestions, maybe all.

Would you be open to helping me with my work in the future? Or do you know of an online writer's group I could join, meaning, one you highly recommend? Most of the people I've shared my work with only offer praise and don't help me at all. I see publishing as my future and I want to be the best I can be.

Your feedback was so well done that I want to work with you again--more with you individually than with a group, and not in a constant way, but once in a while because I know you're busy and so am I.

I recommended TC to her and told her that I go on maternity leave in like three days. Thing is, if you like the feedback I give you're bound to like the feedback at TC -- "honest (but polite)," according to Writer's Digest.

So I sent back a nice reply and explained the maternity leave and such, told her how TC works. I had a rough afternoon yesterday and getting something so heartfelt and kind really made my day.

Lexicon of evil

2005-12-06T22:31:00.000-05:00

This is why I read/write erotica and not romance: lexicon of eeevil from Smart Bitches, Trashy Books.

Please avoid using any of the following: arousal, manhood, manroot, staff, hardened desire. That last one sounds like some cheese that went bad in my fridge.

They ask for more samples and stuff to forbid, ya know...

Cross-post: Essay on being a writer and a mom

2005-12-04T20:40:00.000-05:00

I'm this e-zine issue's Snark Zone author. My essay is on juggling writing and mothering.

The caption was "bummer"

2005-11-26T10:23:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's an old eVil joke that only five readers will get but i like it anyway. Others will enjoy this letter to the editor on its own accord.

Smart Bitch "Romance" Writing contest

2005-11-21T11:28:00.000-05:00

"Smart Bitches..." is hosting a quick, 400-word non-fic "tell us your worst break-up" contest. Here are a few details; see the rest at the site:

It’s time for another Smart Bitch Contest, with a big super mega prize that will leave the winner screaming with ecstasy. So many other people ask for your most romantic story, how you met, how he proposed, how she proposed, where you swung from the monkey bars of Luuuuuurve™ but we here at Smart Bitches, we know the truth. Love hurts.

So, we want your worst breakup story. The bad, the ugly, the mouth-breathing troglodyte who broke your heart and stole your best skillet on the way out the door. Make us cry, make us laugh, make us cheer for your fortitude in the face of asshattery, but let’s hear the worst of the worst - bring it on.

Contest begins now, and ends Friday, November 25. Yes, this is the day after Thanksgiving, wherein you gather around the table and give thanks that you are free of that lousy no good wanking bastard tool and then eat more than you thought possible.

New AB article up: POD

2005-11-20T20:05:00.000-05:00

The article is here. It's all you wanted to know and more about print-on-demand, vanity publishing, self-publishing and all that good stuff. If you've ever thought about skipping the agents, the querying, the hassle and just going the iUniverse or XLibris route (or just heading to the local Kinkos), read this first.

It was a joint effort w/ Beav and surprisingly it's the first thing we've written together. We should do it again sometime when my brain's not consumed by All Things Fetus.

Hey -- flash erotica contest w/ a cause!

2005-11-12T12:09:00.000-05:00

At any rate, I'm happy to announce Bookslut's First Annual Man, Is That Dean Koontz a Prick or What? Contest. In 250 words or less, write an erotic, tender-yet-sexy story about Dean Koontz having some sort of hot, life-changing physical encounter with a Japanese guy. Send your stories as plain text in an email to mschaub at bookslut dot com, with "Man, Is That Dean Koontz a Prick or What?" in the subject line. All entries should be submitted on or before Friday, November 18.

Whoever writes the best/hottest/funniest story will receive a copy of Tod Goldberg's Simplify (read Bookslut's review here) and a copy of Lee Goldberg's Unsold TV Pilots: The Greatest Shows You Never Saw, as well as whatever Dean Koontz book is cheapest at the used bookstore. Also, I will sign the Koontz book, possibly as "Mr. Teriyaki."

Enter now! It's erotica with a cause. (The cause: my own personal amusement.)

Okay, who wants to touch me?

2005-11-02T12:36:00.000-05:00

I got a 10/12 on the Dickens Quiz at BBC. I missed his illustrator's nickname and which job he never had.

Dead of Winter 2005 is now open

2005-11-01T00:34:00.000-05:00

If you're a writer or you know someone who is, Toasted Cheese's Fifth Annual "Dead of Winter" fiction contest is now open. As with all our contests, there is no entry fee.

First, second and third place all win Amazon gift certificates and the stories are published in our March issue.

"Dead of Winter" (or DOW) is a supernatural fiction contest. Ooh, spooky!

Strike while Halloween is still fresh in your mind! You have until Yule to send in your entry.

NaNo too overwhelming? Enter DOW!

BTW: If you do enter, don't tell me b/c I'm a judge and we blind-judge all our entries. If you tell me which story is yours, I'd have to DQ you. At the very least.

Pardon me whilst I snark my little heart out

2005-10-24T11:09:00.000-04:00

The Gospel According to Anne

"For the last six months," she [Anne Rice, this is] says, "people have been sending e-mails saying, 'What are you doing next?' And I've told them, 'You may not want what I'm doing next'." We'll know soon. In two weeks, Anne Rice, the chronicler of vampires, witches and -- under the pseudonym A. N. Roquelaure -- of soft-core S&M encounters, will publish "Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt," a novel about the 7-year-old Jesus, narrated by Christ himself. "I promised," she says, "that from now on I would write only for the Lord."

You know, Exit To Eden was on HBO or something a few nights ago and I begged Hawk to change the channel (he wanted to see Dana Delaney, of course). Then I told him I'd read the book and he didn't know that it bears about 5% resemblance to the actual book. He said, "Does it have the cop characters in it?" Of course not. It's an S&M novel, after a fashion. It's no Story of O but it wasn't bad when I read it over 10 years ago. At least, I'd never read anything like it (except Interview With The Vampire).

So I told Hawk about one scene that bugged me at the time and still bugs me. If memory serves, Lisa and the guy, whose name I forget and it makes no difference, run off to New Orleans or somplace and while they have sex, he spreads butter on her nipples, sprinkles cinnamon on them and licks it all off. My thought when reading it, and even today when I have strong cinnamon cravings, is "Ew." I mean, butter. And cinnamon. What makes a cinnamon roll tasty is the sugar. That would be just... cinnamon butter. Yeeeeuch. And it pulled me right out of the supposedly sexy encounter.

Anyway, I find the whole "(I promised) I would write only for the Lord" thing to be a huge line of bullshit. Funny how the Christian fiction market is booming just when Anne, who's not been doing as well as she used to (are people actually paying attention to the writing now?) is going to try her hand at that market. Call me cynical but I think it's a ploy for readership.

Time's Top 100 novels since 1923

2005-10-18T12:28:00.000-04:00

Complete list, with links to the original reviews.

I have actually read 10 of these and am currently finishing an 11th (ROTK in the LOTR trilogy). I have read enough of at least five more to pass tests in high school anmd college courses. We have at least five of these at home, unread but waiting to be read.

Some of my favorite books are on this list. Makes me think that maybe I should check out the rest.

"Why are your submission guidelines so strict?"

2005-10-16T11:53:00.000-04:00

In short, Miss Snark (a literary agent) puts it quite well:

Which brings us to online sites. If I don't know the publication (and there are a lot of small literary mags I don't know off the top of my head) and IF YOUR SAMPLE PAGES ARE GOOD, I google your writing credentials. When I look at the site and see the submission requirements I make a decision about whether I think it has merit.

We have tough submission guidelines primarily b/c we want it like we want it. If a writer can't follow simple instructions (and our guidelines are not that unusual), maybe submitting to a journal like TC isn't for her.

The added bonus of our submission guideline being strict is that, when coupled with the quality of the writing we want, our credit is a good credit for you. We don't publish "just anything" or "just anyone." We have a long reading and submission period, which give us time to consider all eligible submissions.

Miss Snark is a little tougher on contests and I understand why. Some contest editors feel they must pick a winner no matter what. TC's contest rules allow us not to have a winner if none of the entries match the quality of writing we would choose for a regular e-zine. Granted, we have been known to be flexible, especially when launching new contests. We were also flexible about the e-zine at first. Now we get so many submissions and contest entries that we can be choosy.

Maybe some day I'll write an AB or Snarkzone about what happens when an editor gets your submission/entry. In short, at TC, we read every submission. With contests, we assign points and rank stories (at least I do). After the reading period or contest is closed, we give ourselves a month to do this and to make our final choices. Again, this is b/c we want our credit to be beneficial to you, not just another feather in your cap.

Rejected... and I don't wanna talk to you no more

2005-10-14T13:43:00.000-04:00

Dear Editor, I am sorry to say that among all the possible causes of rejection one might receive, yours here is the most unbelievable, I am sorry for myself that I haven't read your guidelines correctly but I think that it wouldn't have been much of an effort on your part to read only three of the six poems I have submitted, for this simple reason I don't feel like submitting to you any more. Best regards (submitter)

Yes, it was all one pp. All one sentence, if you look very closely.

We rejected him b/c our guidelines very clearly state that you can submit a maximum of three poems per submission period. Well how hard would it be to read four? Or six? Or a dozen? Or everything I've ever written?

B/c that's the rule. We made it b/c we want it that way. If you don't like it, submit somewhere else, ya know?

I think the most unbelievable thing is writing back to the editor, whom you don't even address by name (it wasn't me), writing a never-ending sentence w/ commas for periods, and say "I don't feel like submitting to you any more."

I get a mental image of my two year old crossing her arms and pouting at this point.

On a related note, we also got a polite response from someone who missed that he could only submit one story per sub period and plans to try again. See, that's the kind of author we like. We share those replies among ourselves as well.

BTW: We also have a blacklist. I wouldn't be surprised if other e-zines do as well.

Well, I don't feel like blogging at you any more.

Best regards,

Petulant Cow

New Oprah book

2005-09-23T18:28:00.000-04:00

A Million Little Pieces

She's gone back to picking contemporary writers. I believe this one is a memoir, mostly about addiction. It got excellent reviews if memory serves.

I'm blog-happy today!

2005-09-21T17:40:00.000-04:00

Via Wordcount, a "found poem" of my name:

stephanie
they pepsi
chocolate milk thanks
maybe marriage
queen brad
yellow women
germany son
ubiquitous rich six york

That's odd. Anyway, my name is 415th in word use popularity. Shall we try Eden (#4802)?

eden
squat jews
sauce ying phalanx
everyone tattoo
virtual proxy canoe
penelope

Hehehehe. I like how there's a rhyme.

What's #1? "Fuck." Now that's funny. This post should do wonders for my Google hits.

Violet

2005-09-21T13:17:00.000-04:00

So I was looking for new reading material at the bookstore. I need this reading material for Zosie's playroom and bedroom, for when she often needs/wants attention or I need to put it down in a hurry. So I went for magazines. I was looking at the parenting magazines, which all looked the same and had insipid crap on the covers. Then I saw Violet and I thought, "Is this in the right place?" Sure enough, it said, "Modern Family Living" below the title. I flipped through quickly. Appealing ads, but not too many. Interesting photography. I'll take a chance and just take it home without reading any of it...

Holy shit!

It's taken me days to get through this issue of Violet. It's quarterly and I don't know if I can wait for the next issue. I learned my lesson with BUST -- I'm subscribing right away. In fact, it reminds me quite a lot of BUST in terms of content. But let me tell you what this parenting and family magazine contains.

First off, this magazine was aimed equally at fathers and mothers. There's an article devoted to the "sympathy belly" fathers get (and how to trim it). There's an article on Donovan Leitch and Kirsty Hume raising their daughter in Woodstock, NY (complete with her dream of starting an organic community garden), a piece on William Wegman and his feelings about becoming a dad in his 50s, an article on Ricky Watters and how the death of his infant son Tigero continues to inspire him and helped him learn about himself (and as a result he quit playing pro ball). There was also a series of e-mails and letter sent from ABC's Brian Rooney home form Iraq to his daughters. That's just a few of the features -- and it was a special "fathers" issue but from the whole of the content, I think the focus is equally aimed at fathers and mothers year-round.

It included photo spreads of same-sex couples and non-traditional families (like two brothers and their kids instead of mom/dad/offspring). Articles and essays were written in terms that were inclusive to all kinds of families. There's a fashion spread featuring a Vegas showgirl and her daughter. I don't usually care about fashion spreads but this one was fun and I really dig the clothes (ranging from vintage shoes to Stella McCartney jeans). There's also a kids-only fashion spread with another wide range of clothes (and cute kids in every shade with adorable names to boot). Also in fashion, there was an interview with a designer complete with non-fashion-centric photos. More like photos from vacation. Refreshing.

In terms of art, there was a brief piece on Pez dispenser obsession, a pictorial on plastic indoor/outdoor furniture and papier mache Halloween ideas. In back, there were recipes for all kinds of pumpkin stuff like how to roast pumpkin seeds and how to make pumpkin pancakes. There's also a brief media section (books & DVDs).

There was a short story by Jill Soloway. There were also a couple of very entertaining CNF essays that I enjoyed, including one about an American girl living in Germany in what I believe was the 1970s. Short version: her dad bought a used "Sex machine" van and they decided to go to Paris for spring break and the van broke down just inside the French border on the way home and they had to auction off stuff to pay for the tow and... well it's just funny and well-told. There was another one about a woman who had an "extra dad" growing up: a close friend of the family who did dad stuff with her. It was very moving; I thought about it for a couple days after.

The relationship column is written by Joe Perry and his wife. Yes, that Joe Perry. The sex column is written by Juli Ashton. Yes, that Juli Ashton.

In terms of health, there were fascinating pieces about Munchhausen Syndrome (part story, part Q&A) and childhood asthma (personal essay) by a mother.

The set-up of the magazine is also extremely cool. It's done like a book, with chapters. So if you're in "chapter 3" that might be the art section and you read all kinds of related stuff. It makes for a great flow. The graphics are also very cool. You just have to check it out.

Now I just need to finish reading that Susan Sarandon interview in BUST...

Crafty guide to Erie and Northwest PA

2005-09-19T14:10:00.000-04:00

My "crafty guide" will be published at getcrafty.com in the Oct or Nov newsletter and will become part of the site! Yay!

So I did some post-query assigned writing (slap!), beat the deadline, heard back from the editor same day. I'm getting there. Next assignment: November AB article for TC

Witchy erotica that I didn't write

2005-09-19T13:36:00.000-04:00

Susie Bright has posted an exerpt from "Charmed, I'm Sure," by Eric Albert -- one of three stories in her new collection collection of erotic novellas: Three Kinds of Asking For It. It's witchy. It's erotic. It's like me only it's a story.

There's also an author interview. He's very candid and shares many of my own opinions about writing, esp about writing erotica.

Three Cheers now open

2005-09-17T00:59:00.000-04:00

You have less than 48 hours to write this story. Details, including topic & word count range are available here.

New in Erie

2005-09-14T13:57:00.000-04:00

Pathwise Press, publisher of Bathtub Gin, has moved to Erie. Oooh!

Quick link

2005-08-27T23:51:00.000-04:00

Someone found my writer portfolio w/ this Yahoo search: Halloween contact lenz. I just thought that was funny.

Glen's Big Red Pen

2005-08-24T14:37:00.000-04:00

Here's a new one: a guy we published as a BotB over two years ago wrote us a nastygram and demanded to have his poem taken off TC.

Pardon my sniggering.

It's not a very good poem but for Best of the Boards it didn't have to be. At that time, the poster had to check a box saying "I want this post to be considered for BotB." He obviously did. It was picked. We notified him. He accepted. Now he doesn't like it anymore. He says it was badly formatted (despite the fact that it looked identical to the other page it's on).

Oh it's still online. You can read the snark, er, poem here or here. I couldn't see the second link so the first is the cached page.

I have a very strong suspicion that he's now decided to publish it elsewhere and doesn't want the TC credit. We have a good reputation, as you may know, especially for the e-zine. Why he wouldn't want a respectable credit, which he asked for, is beyond me.

Could be he's a plain and simple ass.

Harry Potter T-shirt

2005-07-28T12:12:00.000-04:00

If you don't want to know the biggest surprise in HP6, don't click here. Otherwise, enjoy.

Interesting cover letter of the week

2005-07-21T21:15:00.000-04:00

So a guy sends a story to TC. This is his cover letter:

Address and phone number, neither of which we need
E-mail address
CNF / 1,000 words
*** Dear (Editor who is listed on hiatus), Editor:
Enclosed is my bio and a CNF piece for submission in Toasted-Cheese Literary Journal. Thank you very much. Best, (first name) p.s. You're cute!
*** Bio - (you don't wanna know)

We often get submissions addressed to me (or sent just to me) and I think it's b/c my name is on top. But no one's ever resorted to flattery to get me to publish them (although I did tell one Scottish writer I could be bribed -- one we had already accepted -- with haggis).

So I guess I'm not the Paul of our group. I'd like to be the John, I think.

I want to write the rejection like so:

*** Dear (submitter), "Writer":
Enclosed is your rejection. Thank you very much for giving us something to mock. Best, Eden p.s. You're a wanker!
***

Fandom Wank

2005-07-20T21:15:00.000-04:00

This is funny.

Quick quote

2005-07-06T23:07:00.000-04:00

"There's a great deal of good stuff out there and not all of it is being done by writers whose work is regularly reviewed in the Sunday New York Times Book Review."
- Stephen King

Grumblings

2005-07-05T23:54:00.000-04:00

An "interview" is an interviewer talking with a subject and conveying the information gained from that conversation to a reader or viewer. A diatribe about someone's writing style peppered with a couple of quotes and one writing sample is not an interview. If it's "something else," then call it something else.

If you post for critique, expect critique. Otherwise say you want praise or validation or "whatever the fuck" you're looking for.

BTW: I don't respond well to snarkback.

Nah... don't tell me. Let me guess.

2005-07-02T23:54:00.000-04:00

Cover letter:

Hello (insert editor's name here or just the word "Editor" or "Dear Sir" -- do not check editor's sex),

I really like your e-zine! I read it all the time! Here's my story. Let me know what you think.

Signed, Idiot Writer

Reply:

Thanks for submitting, Idiot Writer. I need to give you some additional information so your submission can be processed.

Reply to Reply (verbatim from real reply I just received to my response to a query/misdirected submission):

This is an I apologize for this automatic reply to your email.

To control spam, I now allow incoming messages only from senders I have approved beforehand.

If you would like to be added to my list of approved senders, please fill out the short request form (see link below). Once I approve you, I will receive your original message in my inbox. You do not need to resend your message. I apologize for this one-time inconvenience.

You know what, Idiot Writer? I'm not going to beg to be added to your approved list. If you want to submit your writing for publication, you'd better make damn sure that the reply from the editors, be they acceptances or rejections, can be received.

I will not try to contact you twice (you contacted me -- approve me when you do that). This is ESPECIALLY true if you tell me:

P.S. If you have a reply, please direct it to (e-mail address). This e-mail has a rather stringent spam blocker.

In a PS no less! If you can't write a basic business letter, am I suppose to think your story is worth my time? But I followed that instruction b/c I try to give young writers a break. However there are plenty of young writers who send their submissions to the right address and manage to find our submission guidelines (and follow them!) with no problems.

Tip of the Day: Get yourself a Gmail address (or similar) for your submissions and DON'T BLOCK THE EDITORS TO WHOM YOU SEND YOUR STORIES!

Drama and excitement

2005-06-04T00:45:00.000-04:00

I didn't talk much publicly about the freakout of a TC editor in spring 2004 b/c her having some kind of mental breakdown wasn't exactly public blog fodder. Well ya know what? I've decided that it is.

Here's the story in a nutshell: An editor, let's call her T, suddenly erased every post she'd ever made and basically "deleted" herself from existence. She also blocked e-mails and IMs from other editors so no one could find out wtf was going on.

Eventually someone got hold of her, someone more sympathetic than I, and thought that she was depressed. Further conversation revealed that, no, she wasn't depressed. She was having a big goddamn pity party with a guest list of 1. The other details blur but I do remember the phrase "junior high school" being bandied about by the other editors, myself included.

As Deo said, she felt she was "all alone" on her board. Well wah. It was so busy too. I believe what really happened was that she didn't like the fact that no one picked the same crappy stories for the e-zine that she did and what she liked rarely went in. Boo hoo. It's happened to us all. So after that, we instituted the "editor's pick," which saves one piece from the rejection pile. A good idea. If she had said, "Hey this makes me angry," like a grown-up would, we could have done the editor's pick then. But no, she went passive-aggressive supernova instead.

Then a few months ago, who shows back up? You guessed it. But after a year and after the way she left, what reason could she possibly have to slink back to TC? She self-published her crappy "book" and wanted to promote it. She contributed nothing to TC other than posts about where to buy her book and how wonderful her book was and me me me. My agent did this, my publishing experience was that. So a POD book is nothing to brag about, as we all know. But she certainly bragged about it enough.

I ignored every post she made, as I would any troll. And yes, I found her posts trollish b/c they were all devoted to the singular purpose of selling her book.

So Thursday evening, she posts "A copy of my book sold! I'm ranked on Amazon!" Yawn. A POD book sold a single copy on Amazon. I'll alert the media. Then not 24 hours later there appeared a snappy, nasty post about how no one congratulated her on her sale. Then Deo, beautiful Deo, wrote back and said:

I thought this reply was insanely snippy. Especially as some of us had friends DIE the past couple of days and were otherwise occupied. 24 hrs isn't that long in the big scheme of things.

I hope you sell many more copies and also have a little patience for those of us who are a bit slower in life.

Awe-some. I PMed Deo and told her it was a good thing. I have nothing to say on the board b/c, as I said, I have her on permanent ignore. Fortunately the few replies she (T) got to her snipefest are similar.

So now she's replied that she's leaving TC. Allow me to shed a tear. On second thought, no. If it didn't violate my Permanent Ignore policy, I'd add a "good riddance."

She should seriously seek help. Whatever she does, I say "do it elsewhere." I am so fucking sick of her alternating "I'm wonderful/wah no one likes me" bullshit that I hope to never hear from her again. I didn't want to hear from her in the first place after the crap she pulled last year and I certainly don't feel like having her tarnish our boards with her self-obsessed drivel any more.

The last thing she wrote was "bye." I hope she meant it.

Withdrawing e-zine (?)

2005-05-31T21:53:00.000-04:00

Get this: the "provider" through which I purchased the domain for the e-zine now says that the domain expires June 29. So basically I paid $25 for a domain for two months. They want me to turn around and repurchase the domain through them for another $25 and they say that'll last a year.

I'm taking it as a sign that it's not supposed to happen. Sorry :(

Idiots

2005-05-31T14:27:00.000-04:00

I just read (and deleted) an e-mail from a moron. She starts with "Dear Sir/Madam." As we say on our sub guidelines "Dear Editors" is sufficient. Since I'm listed as "Editor" a lot of the more clueless submissions are addressed to me. It always cracked me up to get a "dear sir" when we had all-female editors.

So anyway, she wants to know if we would "review" two of her dopey stories. One was about 3500 and the other was about 4200. I could have written back and said, "We don't review stories." I could have said, "Our submission guidelines clearly state one story per person per sub period." I could have said, "You'll just have to submit like everyone else does."

But you know what? I don't want to read anything from anyone who doesn't have the common sense to read the submission guidelines. So no. I didn't reply at all. In fact, my out loud response was "Fuck that."

*click*

Well I'm doing it -- launching an e-zine all my own!

2005-05-25T17:15:00.000-04:00

This is the e-mail I just sent out to some folks. Since you read here, this applies to you as well:

Hello witchy friends :)

I'm launching a small, fun e-zine next month that will be mainly for pagan parents. I was hoping that you might have a story or essay or anything that I could include in the first issue. It doesn't have to be parent-related necessarily; anything is fine. It could be an essay, an anecdote, a craft project to share with kids, something about pet-parenting... as I said, it's very open.

The submission guidelines are at http://www.witchymom.net/ezine/submit.html if you would like to share this with anyone (and I hope you do). Any publicity or networking is much, much appreciated. Feel free to ff this e-mail to your friends if you like. The contact e-mail address for the e-zine is brigdh.eden@gmail.com

There's no rush. I won't be publishing until Litha so take your time, think it over and send me anything (if it's already been in your blog, that's fine).

This should come as a surprise to everyone as I wasn't entirely sure I was going to do it. I "know" the girl who had this domain and she was letting it go. I thought, "I could do something with that domain." This was my first thought and I followed it through. I finally have a little time to get the look and the launch announcement together so I'm going to "just do it."

I don't know if it will last or what the response will be but there's a serious lack of books and other info for pagan families so I thought this would be beneficial.

BTW: You don't have to be a pagan, druid, witch, etc. to submit. Just pagan-friendly. Contact me for more info.

Also, without getting all religious on ya, part of witchcraft is giving back to the Higher Power by sharing knowledge and providing for the community. I'm hoping to provide a resource for pagan families (single or partnered parents, parents of pets, parents of kids, whatever) to share.

I can't find pagan or nature-based books for my daughter anywhere. I want to have a section called "stories to share" that people can print out and read with their kids, maybe even assemble the stories into books or zines. I plan to.

Best part? No conflict w/ TC at all. Even the publishing schedule should work out well. Believe me, I'm not going to sweat blood over this; it's a new hobby. If I have a little fun, the main purpose is served.

Better than all right

2005-05-23T10:44:00.000-04:00

Nothing for the e-zine blew me away. There was a poem I really liked (by a 17 year old -- cool!) but otherwise it was kind of a mixed bag. Between pre-reading all the entries and doing the AB, my brain is drained. Thank god T agreed to do the notifications. I know they'd be fubar if I attempted. Not just b/c my brain is a piece of brie but b/c this sub period came during our switch to the new computer and I have subs in a couple of folders. Some are online, one batch is Thunderbird and I believe some are on the old computer. I have no idea where to start and what's more, I don't think I could start.

The good part was that by pre-eliminating there wasn't much outright crap to wade through during this read. A lot of the stuff made me say "good" but not "great." Like someone would publish it (just not TC) or that the writer is a real writer who just needs a different story or a few pointers in dialogue or what have you.

I feel like the writers I pick for the e-zine are better writers than I am. I don't know if my stuff would make it into TC. What I do know is that TC is the kind of e-zine I would aim for and I would edit my stuff to be as good as I could make it. I would pick my best stuff for the submission too.

I've submitted stuff to journals that I thought was mediocre and stuff I didn't work too hard on editing or on writing in the first place. Sometimes the stuff got published; sometimes it didn't. The thing is, I never submitted something I thought "deserved" to go into a certain journal; IOW: I've never felt entitled to publication. I figure if the piece is rejected, I'll work on it and try elsewhere. And I've never taken a rejection personally. It's hard to wrap my head around the idea that some writers take "no thanks" as "what a terrible person you are."

On a related note, have you noticed how defensive George Lucas has become about his writing? I saw him in an interview recently defending his storyline choices and it's like, "Dude, face it. You're not a great writer and you acknowledge that. You are a good storyteller. Screw anyone who thinks otherwise."

I saw RotS yesterday and I wasn't turned off by the dialogue or the story arc or any other "writerly" elements. These are action movies. No one criticizes the dialogue or superfluous fight scenes in other action movies; why pick on Star Wars? I think it's b/c there's a certain expectation of perfection involved, not just from fans and critics but from Lucas himself.

Like he's said before, he writes the kind of movies he would like to see. I write the kind of stories I like to read. The point is that not everything is for everyone and quality varies. So long as you hit your audience and entertain (and hopefully leave the reader w/ something more than just an entertainment for a few minutes), you've done your job.

From my Quantum Muse newsletter

2005-05-18T23:58:00.000-04:00

Yes, I have been published there. B/c they rawk.

Back in the day, we only got, like, twelve submissions a month, and had to pick the good ones and reject the bad. Now we get about a hundred. The reading takes forever, we always have more good than we can use, and try to save some "for later", but then next month we have *more* extra stories, and the cycle continues. That's one reason that rejection letters don't go out. If the story is awful, it gets rejected immediately. If we want to publish it but can't find room, we don't send the rejection, hoping to find a space next month, then the month after, and the month after, then we get angry authors asking what happened to their stories. And I start drinking and get irritated at the queries and start composing emails that say "Well, if you sent us crap, you'd know by now. Would that make you happy?" and the other staff beat me up and prevent me from hitting "send" and life just gets ugly.

Theryn & I were just discussing this. Someone rejected in our first round last time wanted to know if it was because of this or that or what. It's like, "Dude, it's not your font. It's not your cover letter. It's this terrible piece of crap you submitted. Do you really want to hear that?" Apparently, yeah. He does. They all do.

Not your usual writing blog post

2005-05-17T13:12:00.000-04:00

But seeing as those who read my daily blog might not get it, I'm posting it here. I think I need one of these products or maybe even these.

New AB article up: Zines

2005-05-15T20:32:00.000-04:00

This one was tough. I've always done May so I volunteered months ago to do the May article even though I also did March ("Creating An Online Portfolio"). Besides that I've been mighty tired lately so the actual work was a struggle. Then I had problems organizing it and getting the point across.

Zines are a hard topic as they're really not that defined, other than physically. The last thing the article needed to be was a "here's what to do step-by-step" since it's such an expression of individuality. Kind of like an article I read today at Witchvox.

Without getting too religious on you, the article was about how many people treat Wicca (specifically) as a "create-your-own-religion," including some authors. The writer talked about a particular, prolific and popular author who has a new book that says "do what feels right" and "Wicca is what you make it" and then turns around and blasts people for not following the basics of Wicca as a religion. It's a sticky wicket.

Anyway, that's the way the zine article was. How to say "these are the basics to stick to, without which it's not a zine" while at the same time conveying that it's all about personalization and doing your own thing. A painting involves paint and (usually) a canvas but beyond that it's up to the artist. Maybe that's a metaphor I should have used.

I don't think I'm scheduled yet for another AB article so *whew*. The very idea of reading subs has me heading for my chaise longue.

Denial in style

2005-05-13T18:24:00.000-04:00

Since the WD article, we've had a run on poetry at TC. Well there's poetry and there's "poetry." Here's the thing about poetry: everyone thinks he can write poetry; very, very few people can. I can write passable poetry. I'd say my poems are better than average. However, I take into account what "average" is. "Average" is a rhyming-end country song lyric about love (dove/above/shove... well maybe not shove). Gak.

Today I got an e-mail from someone who was being snarky about what we say we want and don't want for poetry. The answer is:

We welcome submissions of avant-garde, free verse, haiku and traditional poetry. Restrict the use of end-line rhyme to established forms such as sonnets. No sentimental, hackneyed, rhyme-for-the-sake-of-rhyme poetry, e.g. greeting card type verse.

He went so far as to quote the Webster's definition of "sentimental" to me. I refrained from being condescending in my reply. What I really wanted to say was, "If you're defensive about your poetry, I can guarantee it's not for us."

It's amazing how many *cough* "poets" are incredibly defensive about their *cough* "poems." I've found that the more defensive the writer, the more untalented the writer is. For example: we once made the mistake of not pointing out specific problems w/ DOW entries to specific writers b/c we put in a general list of "here's the problem with some of the stories." We had at least two of these people write back saying, "Well MY story wasn't like that." I sent curt replies that came just short of saying, "Oh yes, yes they did." One of the "judge's comments" that I included was my own comment about her story! And of course it was the worst one. Need I add that her reply letter was in Lucida handwriting font, colored rust and signed, "(Name), Author?" I didn't think so.

It's like people with a drinking or gambling problem: "Problem? What problem? I don't have a problem?" Only: "Horrible poem/story? Surely you don't mean my poem/story. My poem/story is great! Even my friend Bob likes it! You're an idiot."

No, I'm the editor. And I say it stinks. So there. Don't like it? Start your own journal.

Submissions

2005-04-11T13:12:00.000-04:00

So I sent out the latest round of "you're on to the next round" "no thanks" and "you're DQed" e-mails. I had to add a line saying, "Submitting again before May 1 will result in automatic DQ" b/c a fair number of DQed/NT people submitted something else. I just got an e-mail from a guy DQed b/c of an attachment with the same damn story in the body of the e-mail. The reply he got could not have been clearer: DO NOT SUBMIT AGAIN BEFORE MAY 1! Maybe if I'd written it that blunt and in all-caps, they'd get the message.

Our submission guidelines are not unreasonable, vague or uncommon. I try to be polite to people in the e-mails but it seems that our idea to notify people of the status during the reading period is forking in two directions. Half of the people, regardless of the sub's status, are grateful to have an "update." The other half take the notice as "submit again," even if the piece is through to the next level. I had to DQ a guy this round who responded to the first round notice that "you're through to the next level" with "great! here's another story for you to read!" Gah!

Part of me wants to auto-DQ for thickheadedness.

Word count

2005-04-03T15:39:00.000-04:00

BTW: I wrote 2310 in Seth the last three days (so far) and 1100 on something that might be a story or might not. Just messing about to warm up & it became 1100 words. The main body on RFM is 37k with extra scenes that put me over 40k I'm sure. But whoo!

ETA:

41,226 / 60,000
(68.7%)

Ooh -- titties!

2005-04-02T23:11:00.000-05:00

Thanks to this post, I'm the #1 Google hit for "how do breasts feel?"

Ans: soft, warm and if you don't know what else, stop fucking writing about them!

PS: comments on new simple template are welcome ... and can be made!

Pissing off the Muse

2005-04-02T13:43:00.000-05:00

So as I may have mentioned, my Muse is often off on a bender. She's really enjoyed this whole breeding thing b/c I rarely have time to call, which is fine by her. Well one weekend a month (no, not that weekend) she comes around and I accommodate her. This weekend is the one.

We were supposed to go out of town so I did a little writing of something new yesterday afternoon, knowing I wouldn't be able to devote any significant time to Seth and b/c I was exhausted and planned to nap while Z napped (I wrote while she was playing quietly in her crib, pre-nap).

So the weather cancelled our plans and my first thought was "Hey! I can write now!" b/c Hawk is around to care for the baby. So what does he say to me after he cancels the plans with the family? He plans on spending the whole day playing WoW.

Yes. Fuck you and your plans to work. You stay on baby duty like you have been for two solid weeks now while I worked and fucked off and watched TV. The day you want to work? Too bad. I need to fuck off more.

See, a couple years ago, I signed up for (and paid to participate in) a "write a novel in a weekend" competition. Did I expect to finish with something of quality? No. Did I expect to be able to use the computer to do at least a little bit of writing? Yes. Did I get to? No. Hawk decided he was playing Baldur's Gate. I hung out around the computer. Tapped my foot. Checked my watch. He didn't care. Finally I said, "I need to write this weekend." He completely blew me off and monopolized the only computer. You can read about this in the first two months' archives of this blog, which I began keeping as a way to keep track.

I won't get into the whole story thing (except that if you look at the blog, it's a good thing I cheated and pre-wrote so much of the story b/c I didn't get to do any new writing until 1 p.m. on the Saturday of the contest). The point is that my writing comes second to everything else. Now I have no problem with my writing coming second to my parenting. I have a problem with my work coming second to Hawk's whims. Yes it would be nice for him to fuck off all day on the computer to relax and I recognize that relaxation is necessary. But I work all week long for much longer hours than he does and I'm not afforded the time to fuck off. Moreover, the fuck-off time I want is not to play The Sims or to redesign my webpages. It's to do more work.

I'm damn sick of people thinking that writing is some vacuous hobby that you can just pick up and do any old time like it's a knitting project (I say this as a knitter). I worked for a solid fucking month to get to the point where I was inspired to do some writing and I was damn lucky that I was going to have (1) the time (2) computer access and (3) someone to care for Z. Now? I have nothing.

He's pouting b/c I told him that I wanted to write. Hence I have the computer to blog this (hoping that I might get in the mood but it's not working). Of course now that I've said "I want to write today," he's changed his plan that he wants to "run." His plan is that he has to go to the grocery store and that it's imperative that he buy a doorstop today for a door that's been broken for god knows how long. Yeah, so I can just write then, right? While I watch the baby. B/c I do that every day. Oh and the Muse? She's fucking gone.

On top of all this, this template, which I love, is completely not working with Blogger, even though it's a Blogger-originated template. So I'm off to find a new one.

Fucker.

Quick post

2005-03-29T21:06:00.000-05:00

Without going into all the personal details, Z's pediatrician said to me today, "That was right-on. A very good description. I don't think I've ever heard such a good description from a parent." I said, "I'm a writer. If I can't describe things, I'm in trouble." Bwah.

It's amazing how often you use writing skills is everyday life. Not just in the description itself but in the observation.

Quick quote

2005-03-18T16:31:00.000-05:00

From Mac at TC:

"Some of my favorite writers are clever with words. But the ones I go back to are the ones that are clever with ideas." -Bono

Found entry

2005-03-17T00:13:00.000-05:00

I saved this in a Notepad file and found it tonight as I'm cleaning up the jumpdrive. It's from November.

From Meg:

The forums over at nanowrimo are hilarious and suck my life up so easily. My favorite is the Q&A section where people are asking others if they can explain certain things they want to put in their story, but no little or nothing about. That's how I found out so much about catholic funerals. Some of my favorite topics have been:

Which way does blood splatter?
All-girl schools
Homosexuality in Victorian England
How do breasts feel? (I haven't even looked at the posts, but the topic title was funny)
Jesus and Vampires
Congressional Aides
The taste of blood?
Funtimes in France
Need a Turkish Explative
Gerbils & mice (don't even want to know)
Stabbing with a pencil
Gypsies in Elizabethan England
Albino question
Violent London Neighborhoods
and finally...
How would you carve a turkey if your arm was in a cast?

My comment:

I don't know about you but I'm dying to read these novels & novellettes. I think the fun thing would be to write a story involving ALL of those.

The question is: how would Jesus carve a turkey with his arm in a cast while feeling a homosexual albino's breasts? I'm sure in a violent Victorian London neighborhood, he would stab himself with a pencil, taste the blood like a vampire and shout "Keyser Sozye!"

I'm all inspired now.

Submissions & submission

2005-03-04T10:30:00.000-05:00

So T and I are going through the submissions to see what can be cut immediately and what can go on to all the editors for consideration. Hopefully it'll get people reading earlier and w/ more time to concentrate on worthy submissions.

The very first story I open last night is a "CNF" story about a guy watching his roommate have sex with a girl. Impossible since he's on a bottom bunk and they're on top but that's the least of it. The story turns into a bad smut fantasy about this guy being a voyeur while the roommate convinces the girl to, let's say, let him go in the back door. Then as soon as she does, she lays a wet fart on him and has explosive diarrhea. Then if that's not bad enough, he "barfs" on the back of her head. Aaaaand scene. *dim lights*

In a way it's funny b/c it's so incredibly bad. So unbelieveably bad. If it were a serious story, it would only be sad but it's such an obvious trollish attempt to bother us that it's funny. Is that how far someone has to go to stand out? Apparently so.

Another bad story was the one about 600 words long about a guy named Phil. It's structured like a children's story. Phil goes here. Phil does this. Phil goes home. Phil is bothered by the cat. Phil has a beer. Phil sits on the sofa. Then Phil notices his wife's bloated blue body with the spittle foaming on her lips hanging from the new ceiling fan. Phil decides to finish his beer. The end.

The other ones that aren't making it through are more characteristic of our usual rejections. The quality's not there. There's a fair amount going through but I think weeding the others out is a good idea.

In other news, I finished my hard copy edit & hopefully will be doing some new stuff today.

RFM brainstorming

2005-03-03T12:41:00.000-05:00

This is just some brainstorming I did the other day. Part of the reason I'd put Seth down for a while was that I wasn't sure where the plot is headed. I need to work out what the conflicts are and what I'm doing to stir them up. Then I need to decide what's resolved and how. I thought the best way to go about would be to look at Seth himself.

What are his problems?

Drifting – doesn’t belong anywhere or to/with anyone. Does he want to belong? Does he need a “home” of some kind?

Expression – whereas he used to express thru anger/violence/sex, he can now use poetry. Can he use poetry to express everything? What can he not express this way that’s still locked inside him? Does Braddock dare him to dig deeper? Does Braddock see his poems are just below surface level in terms of exploration? If Seth lets go, what causes this surrender? Is it trust of the poem? Of Braddock? His trust level w/ Braddock is important – set up that he feels safe after his meeting(s).

Confusion – now that he has poetry as expression, what does he do w/ violence and sex? What if the voices go outside his head, like the man he saw in the doorway?

Is writing cracking his shell? Does Seth feel his defenses are weakened by being so honest in his poetry? Does he pull back in his expression – if so, how? Does Braddock call him on it? Does someone else (Natalie or Hal)? Does Seth believe that the poetry is giving power to the voices? How does he cope with the increasing volume of the voices?

Control – feels he is not in control of his mind (evidenced by voices). Does he feel he controls his body? Is sex a means of control? It’s definitely a utilitarian event – it gets him from point A to point B – but what if it just “is” and accomplishes nothing? This could be the April encounter – afterward he might reflect what he gained, which would be nothing. Can he say “it was fun” or does it have to yield something? He stole the book; if she wants it back, his gain is 0. This infringement on his control might be what leads to the robbery – in this “rape” of sorts, he regains control. Perhaps draw parallels to his father during scene.

Establish a connection of trust from Hal to Seth. Let this trust be broken w/ the robbery. Does Hal “come back” like Seth did with his father? If not, what reaction does Seth have? Does he respect him? Hate him? Fear him? Does he play “if only…” imagining what would have happened had he not “gone back” to the one who broke his trust?

Confession: He should go to the brink of confession with Natalie (could set up sexy priest/parishoner scenario) but hold back – kind of how he had sex w/ April: almost but not quite through to the end*. He should trust the poem above all else (and Braddock is the manifestation of that) and pour everything into his poem. Should he leave or publish a poem about the robbery for Hal? If so, does he leave it with Braddock?

Braddock cannot turn him in. Seth will not turn himself in. Does a poetic confession redeem him? Does he need to be redeemed or is passing on his pain enough (creating a chain)? I think readers would be more satisfied with redemption. Didn’t he already pass on his pain by murdering his dad and abandoning his family?

*if Seth ever has a sexual release (other than the shower scene alone), it needs to be pivotal to the plot & symbolic or in tandem with another kind of release – perhaps his confession

Anyway, what I've done now is stand by my printing feeding individual sheets into it. I read the hard copy last night. I'm very happy w/ the beginning -- to the point where I was like, "I wrote this?" at times. I always write better with music going on. I'm going to need to get some kind of music player going here. I have the music in my head that's been inspiration in continuing the story but I need that zone-out effect to get to where I want to be.

Some of the pacing is a little off -- it's a little tumbly and less unfold-y but I'm wondering if that's not a better way to do it. Seth is out of control (naturally he thinks he's not) and maybe making readers feel that way is a good idea.

It's funny how you have a certain plot in mind and then as you write, the characters and the circumstances take you somewhere different (and better). I was looking at my old outline and it's like, "Oh I had a plan?" It didn't seem very "true" to me and I think that's why I stepped away (that and motherhood). For example, part of my original plan was to have Seth be unsuccessful w/ April. Well now he's hypersuccessful and I have an idea of what to do with that. Interesting.

I've left him in the diner w/ Natalie and I'm not sure what's going to happen. Like I said, I'm reading the hard copy to get a feel as to where I've been and where I'm going.

I should just sit back and let him drive.

Dreamcrusher

2005-02-27T13:00:00.000-05:00

Well, sent the notifications last night. 88 e-mails, most of which were the quick-and-easy "thanks but no thanks" letter. Basically I only send the "try again" to anyone who got a vote, even a maybe. I try to add a personal note on what could improve the story when I can. I have ideas to improve the TBNT subs but I don't have time to send everyone a personal letter. It was 2 1/2 hours of work last night.

Everyone gets a personalized greeting in the letter, so long as it was a courteous submission. If it was just a sub and nothing else (and the sub is usually some kind of joke in that case), I just c&p the text and send it off. I also don't do personalized greetings if I can't tell whether it's a male or a female. Last night there was a "Chris" and the bio was written in first person. Usually they help me out by writing the bio in third.

We haven't gotten any nastygram replies yet and didn't get any last time so that's good. Overall the pieces are good and I think they compliment each other nicely.

Simon says

2005-02-07T15:37:00.000-05:00

I envy Simon Cowell. Why? B/c he's paid to give his opinion. And the rougher and more honest it is, the more popular he gets. I wish there was an "American Writer" contest and I could be a judge. I'd like to be able to say to someone, "This story idea is lame. The structure is like a pinball bouncing off the edges of the page. The only thing that would fix this story is a match."

See, if you watch "AI" you'll find someone from time to time who says to Simon, "I like you b/c you're honest" or "I want your true opinion." Inevitably, when he gives it, you can practically hear their singing little hearts ripping into teeny pieces. Beginners do not want criticism. They want praise. I don't get where it's supposed to be bad to say, "I'm new. Please encourage me. Tell me what you like."

No. People say "I want your opinion." Well here's my opinion: Flashbacks do not belong in 1500 word stories. If you want to tell the backstory, tell the backstory. Don't start Story A, stop it, go into Story B, stop it, go back to Story A. You might as well just stamp "dunno what I want" all over the page.

I try to ask people questions about their story. For example: "what makes her feel this?" Newbie writers, the kind who want praise and ask for criticism, will almost always come back defensive. "Why not?" is the gist of the answer. I'm not asking b/c it should be changed; I'm asking to try and get you to think about your character. You've not drawn me a suitable picture. I don't know one thing about your character so I'm asking you about her now. Maybe if you come up with a couple of answers, it'll show in your story.

What makes it worse is when someone comes along and says, "It's perfect. I love it just as it is. Don't change a word" after I've said, "I'd work on this and this and play with this a little." Believe it or not, I can be quite insecure. I go back and think, "Was I too harsh?" and I read the feedback and no, I wasn't harsh. In fact, I could have been much harsher. Maybe I should have been harsher.

What I really need is a "brutal feedback" board with a disclaimer at the top saying, "If you post here, don't expect to be coddled." It was one of the things I hated about eVil, esp towards the end. It was all about the UPOP. "Love me! Love me!" and the implication that a critique was the equivalent of saying "you suck" (not even "this sucks n/t"). I'd also start my own lit journal with the same disclaimer: "If you submit, I might write back and say 'what a piece of crap!' I might say 'Brilliant!' I might ignore you." I'd like to sometimes.

Not everyone is, can be or should be a writer. Writing is one of those things that hobby writers or "dabble" writers think there's no work involved. There's a damn lot of work involved. Part of that work is about being mature enough to (1) draw a line between yourself and your story and (2) being able to know a critique from a slam. If you don't like the critique you asked for, don't ask again. Say "thanks" and move on. Consider a new hobby. Like when Simon says "you're not a singer." I'd like to say "You're not a writer."

You want to dabble? Dabble. Just don't ask me for feedback on your dabbling. It's like teaching a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Oink.

New writing: Seth scene

2005-02-01T15:58:00.000-05:00

Remember the 900+ words I cut back in October? I've thought and thought about the scene and I know that it belongs in the story. I wasn't sure of April's purpose in it though and I was uncomfortable with one aspect of it. I eliminated the aspect, which helped, and in doing so, added a little bit more to the beginning.

The word count on the scene now is 1900+, which means I wrote about 1k during Z's 1 1/2 hour nap (as well as doing dishes and laundry).

One thing I need is some inspirational music to write to. I also need to block the rest of the scene, which is something I usually do as I'm going to sleep. I can act out the scene in my head, feel where it's going, feel what should happen, what would be too much, etc. And since the majority of the scene is taking place in bed, hey! it works out just fine.

Yes, it's a sex scene but the sex is only secondary to what's going on. As a matter of fact, there's not been any sex yet in 1900+ words. So whoo!

2004 DOW judging

2005-01-23T20:57:00.000-05:00

It's that magical time of year. Football is winding down, the air is crisp, the sky is the color of cornflowers and I'm wading through ass-deep snark for DOW.

What the hell happened? Last year we had a lot of good DOW entries and were very choosy. This year, if I want a DOW winner, I have to settle.

I know what part of it is: the PR. The PR was not done. We had 13 entries but we usually get over 20 for DOW. And the quality is amateurish. A lot of technical errors. Most of them read like first drafts. They obviously missed the SUPERNATURAL theme of the contest and a few even missed the "house at the end of the road" theme. Hell, one guy missed the word count. It was 3500; his story was 4305 and followed no aspect of the theme.

The theme they did use was "one kid is a pussy, another kid dares him to do something, shit happens, eek! phony twist aaaaand... scene *dim lights*"

I only bothered to numerically-judge 5 stories and I ended up drawing big lines through two of those. One story has a big 0 under theme and lines from there out to both sides. What's the point? Of the ranked stories (#4, #7 and #11), here's how they measured up:

All were close on "held interest" and "beginning." I didn't like the ending of #4. #7's ending was average and #11's was good, albeit predictable. All three were technically good (grammar, sentence structure, spelling, punctuation, etc.). I had trouble with #4's use of theme. It wasn't supernatural; it was moderately worldly-scary and did use a "house at the end of the road." #7 and #11 were overtly spooky; #11 was slightly spookier and had more of a gothic-spooky feel, which was carried throughout the story.

All three did well on language and voice. I think that may be the most important criterion after "use of theme." These stories used original voice; this is where #4 might deserve a higher score. The voice was very fresh and I liked the way the voice reflected and reminded me of the setting. #7 had a nice voice as well but in a very different way.

These three were original, if a bit predictable. They weren't nearly as predictable as the others though. They were predictable despite their phony twists. #4/7/11 might have been "predictable" in that the stories headed toward a logical conclusion. Of the three. I felt I'd heard #11 before and #7 actually invoked "Boo Radley" so #4 scored a 13/15 on originality while the other two were 10/15.

The story I ranked highest won out for me b/c it got a 10 in "use of theme" and they did well in voice (#11). Actually, it had consistent high marks, whereas #4 (for example) was up and down -- high marks for originality, lower marks on use of theme and the ending.

If Erin prefers #4 to #7, I wouldn't mind the flipflop. I'd be surprised if she picked one of them over #11 though. In the end, #11 was the only DOW-ish story we got. #7 was closer but need to be more fleshed out. Our word limit was 3500, as I said, and these were all well under. The ones that kissed the word count were the most ho-hum.

And that's my opinion. Next: e-zine submissions. Whoo!

2005 reading list

2005-01-01T13:39:00.000-05:00

Keeping track of books I begin and finish in 2005 (never read before):

The Fifth Elephant
America The Book (non-fic)
Reaper Man
Night Watch
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Jingo
The Last Continent
Thief of Time
The Count of Monte Cristo
Understanding The Borderline Mother (non-fic)
Soul Music
Moving Pictures
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Two Towers
Thud!
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
Interesting Times
Return of the King (on hold)

2004-12-15T18:57:00.000-05:00

I want to automatically DQ all the absolute idiots who have written to us with smarmy little notes saying our DOW e-mail link "doesn't work." It does work. Like most other sites with e-mail address links, you have to alter the actual text. The e-mail address isn't really "suzyqboolaroo@TAKETHISPARTOUTgmail.com" for chrissakes.

Use your fucking brain already.

Gah.

/explosion

2004-12-01T19:08:00.000-05:00

So I sent all the acceptances, rejections and DQ letters over the last couple of days. Ever curious about how it works? Here's what I do:

All the submissions TC gets go into my inbox. If a submission is an obvious DQ, it goes into the DQ folder and the writer gets notified the same time as everyone else. Otherwise it goes to a folder called "submissions." How clever.

At the end of the submission period, I sort them into "no" and "maybe" on first read. Then I sort "maybe" into "yes" and "no" and try to end up w/ an empty "maybe" folder. Then I post my "yes" (and any "maybe") selections on the board. Stories that get a majority of votes go in. Stories that don't make the cut are rejected. If I feel strongly about a piece that's being cut, I can save it with my "editor pick" option.

I feel bad, mostly, when rejecting the stories but not 100% of the time. Some stuff is so bad you just want to say "take a hike." Or the writer gave us a big lathering-up in the cover letter and followed with a crappy story. Or there was no cover letter. Or it's all one big pp or something. Gah.

We have a couple levels of rejections. Ones that don't quite make the grade get a "please submit again." Ones that no one mentioned as a final pick usually get the old "thanks but no thanks" kind of letter. i don't have the time to write 75 individual letters of acceptance, rejection or disqualification.

Even those letters get personalized to an extent. I address all the letters to "Mr/Ms (writer name)" unless it's initials or something & I'm not sure if it's Mr or Ms. I also say what type of submission it was "we cannot use your story/ poem/ poems/ diatribe at this time." No cover letter? No personalization.

The ones I want to submit again, I'm sincere about that. It's usually a case of just not measuring up to other submissions or a good writer telling the wrong story or something like that. I try to give some comment about what was good about the piece and a hint of what could be done with it. Sometimes we reject a story b/c it's just not right for TC. In that case, if I know of a market, I include that in the letter. I don't have any "in" with these other editors but I try to be helpful.

Once in a while, we get a thanks for the kind rejection (I got one today) and that feels good. I'm not out to quash anyone's dream of being published. I am out to create the best lit journal I can. I want a rep as a hard journal to get into and I think we have it.

We accept unpublished writers who are good. We do not accept published writers who aren't good. Not that a rejection means a writer is bad, by any means (see above). But a string of "I've been published here here and here and I have an MFA in creative writing and blah blah blah" means nothing. I want your story/poem to speak for you.

So next on the ol' editorial list is DOW judging. We usually get a good DOW crop and it gets better every year. So yay!

2004-12-01T13:27:00.000-05:00

"All great writers live in their pjs!"

-- Theryn Fleming

2004-11-01T17:19:00.000-05:00

Today is the birthday of Stephen Crane, who many don't know was a poet as well as a fiction writer. I quoted this poem to Hawk just yesterday:

A man said to the universe:
"Sir I exist!"
"However," replied the universe,
"The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation."

2004-10-06T15:57:00.000-04:00

I cut yesterday's 900+ words. If I keep them, they were definitely in the wrong place. I put them in their own doc and so far I've written 600 new today that fit better at that spot.

And I'm exhausted.

It's amazing how much effort goes into writing and more amazing that people who don't write think it's no effort at all.

2004-10-06T10:43:00.000-04:00

"A writer needs three things, experience, observation, and imagination, any two of which, at times any one of which, can supply the lack of the others."

-William Faulkner

2004-10-05T17:12:00.000-04:00

So I'm back on the horse and I have Theryn to thank. Reading her blog entries was like reading good fiction: very inspiring.

First I did a lengthy blog entry, which warmed me up, then I reread all of Seth that's written in story format (ie: no outlines, character info, etc.). Since then, so far, I've written 265 new words and I'm only taking a break b/c I was checking e-mail. I want to e-mail myself the copies of what I have (it's what I do in case we have a fire or something and my disks are destroyed).

Baby Z has taken to napping in her playyard instead of on my lap and I've decided that nap time = writing time. Even if I'm not inspired. 500 words isn't much. I can do that and more each day.

ETA: My final word count was 951. That I kept.

2004-10-02T10:49:00.000-04:00

"[Graham] Greene limited himself to writing just five hundred words per day, and would even stop writing in the middle of a sentence, but he ended up publishing over thirty books."

(from today's Writers' Almanac)